the weekend, work and a sobering documentary
I wanted to write about my whole weekend, but I ended up rambling - there'll have to be a part 2. Oh, to be a succinct writer.
On the way home one night this week we ended up grabbing a drink with one of my boyfriend's friends, who works putting on circus shows - interesting! Most of the others there were also performers, who we didn't know.
We ended up in a conversation about work, where one of the people at the table asked about our day to day (we're both programmers, and work in an office). I like it when people ask the usual small talk questions, but then seem genuinely interested in the answers and ask follow up questions. I find that I don't do this, usually because I'm worried about asking a stupid question.
We asked the return question - what's your day to day? "Wake up, lament for two hours" - I laughed and said me too, but he responded "ah but then you go to your job". They talked about freelancing, how it's a cycle of work then downtime and chipping away at your own projects in the background. This sounds exciting and terrifying to me. I enjoy am scared to leave the stability of full time work, because I don't trust myself to be able to make it somewhere where they're not contracted to pay me. Isn't that tragic? I went home and in bed thought about quitting my job and going back to school.
... Like that's a good idea.
We also watched the documentary 2000 Metres to Andriivka. It's such a hard watch. The film documents a Ukrainian counter offensive in 2023 to take back the village of Andriivka from Russian occupation. The human cost of this is horrible to watch - soldiers die, soldiers are interviewed and we are told in voice over that they are now dead, killed in another counter offensive. The scale of death is enormous. The film utilises helmet cam footage from soldiers and knowing it's real makes you watch with a pit in your stomach - you want the film to end so you don't have to watch any more horror, but you know it's still happening in real life.
(When interviewing a soldier) He says that it's like being dropped on to a planet where everything's trying to kill you. But it's not a planet - it's the centre of Europe.
There isn't really any hope in this film. Some soldiers are motivated and positive, and talk about when this is over and they can rebuilt, which is incredibly moving to watch - but they also ask the question "what if this war goes on for the rest of our lives?" - and the overall picture is grim. The end of the film tells us that since 2023, Russian troops have recaptured all the land the Ukrainians gained. I left the film with the strong feeling we should be doing more, but not having any faith that anything will change.