Reflecting on the week, and positive thinking
Last weekend I went to a party and I feel like I'm still recovering from it. It was a party hosted by friends of my boyfriend, and I didn't know many people there. I felt like he abandoned me during the party and I was hurt, but that's faded and now I just feel regretful I didn't have a good time. It feels like my own fault.
I think the antidepressants I'm taking have helped a lot day to day, but not with situations I find difficult, like large group gatherings.
It's been really hot here in the UK and on Monday I met up with a friend to have ice cream. It was really nice to talk to her - I really appreciate one to one meet ups and I feel like we talked really honestly to each other about our feelings.
Tuesday I had a total meltdown over feeling like I'd ruined some camera film (they turned out fine, actually).
Wednesday I went to see a film with my boyfriend, Crossings - it was beautiful and bittersweet and I hope to write a review later this weekend.
Thursday I had to stay late at work - we had a long meeting with some American clients, and after I went bouldering late.
Friday I met some friends for drinks after work - a couple of girls I hadn't seen for awhile and my close friend. One of the girls bought her boyfriend and his sister, and we chatted about films, I had a couple of pints and a good time.
This week I've been thinking about how I try and anticipate everything that's happening and plan ahead, and it feels like torture. I often end up concocting worst case scenarios in my head (the number of times I've mentally broken up with my boyfriend) and I end up crying alone, feeling crazy for turning a good day into a bad day just using my own negative thoughts.
I feel like the happiest people I know don't think about things before they happen and don't dwell. I'd like to be more like that, but I feel like it's such a large part of my identity - how to let it go?
One thing I've considered is using my omg.lol status page (which I've now added to my blog home page!) to only record positive things - I think it will be nice to look back at a feed of good things that have happened, like a gratitude journal. I'll see how it goes!