Bluebottle's blog

expensive self care and avoidance

(Note: this is a post I started writing on 18/10/2024, after reading this article. I'm currently trying to publish all my older drafts.)

But after reviewing my 2023 bank statement and taking in my self-care expenses, I had a realisation: the stressors I thought I was addressing through lavender bubble baths were still ever-present and looming.

I don't love the way this article (or the whole series of articles on the website) about mental health are presented - it's very breezy and click-baity. Honestly, there's a quote at the start "Last year I spent nearly £7,000 on self-care." that seems designed to draw angry comments.

But it's made me come to the realisation (the same realisation CBT has bought me to) that the root of my anxiety and emotional imbalance is avoidance of communication, and maybe an approach to being happier (I originally wrote 'the key to finding happiness' but that seems quite black and white) would be if I could overcome my fear of upsetting people and what they think of me and just be honest about what I want and what I mean.

I frequently censor my self so not to upset people or ask too much from them.

The woman in this article talks about building resentment against people in work through not confronting the environment that makes her unhappy - the self care actions she takes, such as holidays, are just an avoidance tactic.

Even after relaxing on a serene beach in Cabo, I still felt stressed about my workload.

As another quote in the article says, sometimes self care is doing the hard thing. And we have to acknowledge it is hard! I think often people become defensive when given this sort of advice because it is difficult. If you're not in a good emotional place or suffering from bad mental health it can feel impossible, and when you're given the advice it can feel almost cruel.

Maybe this is where the comforting self care experiences come in - to help us regroup and do the hard stuff. But I still believe other actions that don't necessarily involve spending money - reaching out to friends and family, accepting support from them, can help with this, perhaps more.

Update: It's interesting to read back on this from a place where I've just started prioritising mindfulness and making a real effort to try meditation seriously. I haven't been able to address my people pleasing though 🙃