stress tsress strees
Sometimes things just feel bad. I feel like one aspect of stress poisons my entire life.
I nearly bought a house last week, the timeline looked like this:
Sat - Offer accepted.
Sun to Tues - Panicked, got cold feet, what have I done etc.
Weds - Contacted solicitor, started arranging mortgage etc.
Thurs - Meeting in work where we were told the current situation is unsustainable and there would likely be restructuring in the future.
Fri - Viewed the house with my mum a second time and felt better about it but panicked about work.
Mon - Withdrew my offer.
What a whirlwind. I felt so... It reminded me that so many things go out of the window when I'm stressed. I stopped meditating. I've been playing silly mobile games on my phone. I bailed on climbing on Wednesday so I could stay in although I know exercise helps.
The idea of the house and the huge decision I was making weighed on every part of my life, sucking the joy out of it. When I got the news about work as well, I cried in the pub after and talked too much about it to my boyfriend and his friend. It's like the feeling builds up in me and I have to spread it to others so I feel better, which I then feel guilty about.
But then, because I have no confidence in my decisions, I feel ashamed about them and wish I could make them in secret so no one knows. Ahhhh!
Anyway, I'm going back to therapy. Below is a picture of some cows I took out of the window on my train journey home.
