Today is one of those doom feeling days
Everything feels wrong. When I talk to my therapist about this, she explains it as my feelings - anxiety, sadness, uncontrollable sobbing - stem from the fear of being excluded from my social group.
This doesn't make me feel better. I think I knew this deep down - my inability to socially interact which has slowly gotten worse until I'm crying in public - has left me terrified of never being able to join in socially again.
I don't understand why even spending time with people who are nominally my friends fills me with dread, and I don't like the person I've become.
This is what the feeling of doom consists of today. And almost everyday I have to interact with a group. I do it because it feels good for me - what's the alternative? Rotting in bed? But it increasingly feels unviable. I feel cut off from life.