🌦 Week notes 5
I'm trying out a different format for these week notes - less emojis, no categories. I've been posting a lot less recently, mainly because my mental health hasn't been very good - the only post I made this week.
As I mentioned, I've really been struggling with my mental health this week. I've been finding it difficult to be around people in social settings which has led to a lot of crying, which is exhausting. I've been trying to navigate some issues in my relationship as well, which has left me very frustrated I can't talk normally about any of this stuff without sobbing.
I've been reading tala's posts about depression a lot - they write really well about mental illness.
I've also been thinking about ava's get with the program post, which I think touched on something I've not seen written about very much. I've always struggled with feelings of depression, but it's been worse recently and something I've noticed is how alienating it can be when you seek help and no-one can help you, or the help doesn't actually do anything. I feel like, as ava writes about the people around her being used to her being sick when she is struggling to accept it as the status quo, the people close to me have become used to my crying and pouring my feelings out, when to me it hurts so much I want people to treat it as an emergency, almost. I know that's not realistic. It's scary being alone in this, and realising you're the one responsible for trying to get through something, and going through the hard, confusing process of trying to navigate your illness.
I think I'd like to see it as a positive that I did communicate that I've not been feeling great to my boyfriend, and we did have a nice weekend together - he cooked a veggie bolognese and we watched Licence to Kill as part of our on-going Bond series - even if it did culminate in me having a sleepless night worrying and crying again in the morning.
Speaking of illness, I struggled with migraines again last week. I think I've shaken my latest attack off now, but waking up every morning with the familiar pain in my temple, feeling groggy and sick, was getting me down. I was having to take a lot of my tablets, which make me feel cotton-headed. I'm glad this seems to have passed for now.
I climbed three times last week and felt pretty good about it.
On my day off I went to Bath and saw The Third Man in the cinema - it's such a good film, and the cinema I saw it in - the Little Theatre Picturehouse - is very old and cool. I had a nice lunch and did some shopping, bought some kitchen stuff I needed. I had a chat with an older lady on the train platform - I'm turning into my mother who will start conversations with anyone, anywhere.
That's all, I think. I hope you're having a good Monday ☀